The ethics of relationships
By Chaplain Corey Thornton

We have just come to the close of Sexual Assault Prevention Month (April). One training event this year in support of this that stood out to me was called SCREAM. As a departure from the familiar PowerPoint briefs, they gathered a cast of Sailors from various commands and prepared short dramas. The dramas were designed to function as scenarios to depict various ways in which sexual assault might occur. These were well thought out and realistic. I can remember assisting more than one service member who had experienced the same scenario as one of the SCREAM dramas. After each drama, there was an open microphone discussion with the audience to hear their thoughts on the assault and the best responses to care for the victims. The approach of drama and discussion proved to be an affective way to teach the ethics involved in sexual assault prevention. It seems that anytime ethics are taught within the context of stories—stories that we can relate to—they become personal and help us to better see how to conduct sound relationships.

In addition to their compelling approach, I also found this year’s sexual assault prevention theme, “Hurts one…affects all. Prevention of sexual assault is everyone’s duty,” quite appropriate. What is of a particular advantage to this theme is that its underlying principle is to build community. What each of us does as individuals does not only affect us but creates a lasting effect within the whole community. When we are able to see the reality of this, our moral responsibility to those around us becomes much more evident, and we realize that doing what we believe to be the right thing does not just make us better people, it also makes the community in which we live a better place.

In 1923 the Jewish philosopher, Martin Buber, wrote a now famous book entitled, I and Thou. In it he describes the state of human relationships and how we perceive them. Buber says that there are two types of relationships: I-It and I-Thou. I-It relationships are those in which we perceive the other as an object, a de-personal entity wholly other than us. I-Thou relationships are those in which we perceive the other as a subject, as a personal entity wholly relatable to us. I-It relationships bring about a sense of isolation and self-centeredness. As we perceive those around us not as beings but as objects, we turn the focus of our thoughts and concerns onto ourselves. Perceiving others in I-It relationships can lead to using them to one’s personal advantage; such is almost always the case in sexual assaults. I-Thou relationships cultivate a sense of connectedness to those around us. When we perceive that we are not alone, but that all of those around us are persons, human-beings just like us, we begin to understand how our existence is contingent upon and integral to the wellbeing of others. In I-Thou relationships we see that our actions affect and are affected by others.

It is Buber’s I-Thou relationships that the SCREAM presentation and the Sexual Assault Prevention theme is promoting. Out of these relationships comes a more mature and healthy community.

Cultivating these relationships does take discipline. For example, in I-Thou relationships there can be no “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas,” or more germane to our setting, “What happens on port visits stays at port visits.” For one thing, the activities that are kept in confidence on these port visits are based in I-It relationships and involve people who are practically strangers to us. This depersonalized use of others for our individual satisfaction is un-ethical. For another thing, no one leaves these relationships unchanged. Once an individual uses another in this way, he or she is less moral and less human. The feeling or state that accompanies this is guilt. One cannot leave guilt behind.

Buber says that the ultimate I-Thou relationship is between God and a human-being. To encounter God—the source of all life—is to find what it is to be alive. Once this ultimate I-Thou relationship has been experienced, all I-It relationships seem a betrayal of this I-Thou. When we encounter the Creator of our person and perceive that all persons around us were also thus created, to use them as objects for our advantage is to deny them the dignity given to them by their Creator.

When we choose to perceive others in I-Thou relationships we see them as they truly are. Out of these relationships develops a community of mutual respect, care, tolerance, patience, unity, cohesion and love. Such communities are antithetical to the selfishness and violence of sexual assault. So hats off to the cast and crew of SCREAM and the sexual assault prevention training team for a job well done.