Hello Im a wife of a seabee who will be deploying to the navy base in Yokosuka and had some questions for any military wives from the base or near it. I heard a lot of things about Japan from other wives and im just concerned. Is there many strip clubs or prostitution in the area my husband will be? If so can you give me names of the places and how far from base? I trust my husband very much its just that im being paranoid bc this will be our first long deployment and it would suck if hes in an area like that.

CBwife, some advice... give it a rest. Nothing will kill a marriage more than you trying to keep tabs on him from thousands of miles away. He's not a baby, he's a grown man and presumably in love with you.

Here's a clue... Every Navy port, and EVERY city for that matter, has that kind of entertainment. It's a fact of life.

To answer your question... if you walk out the main gate, about 30 seconds across the street are all the strip clubs & massage parlors anyone would need. You walk by them on your way to McDonalds, train station, whatever. So what? I walk through it too and ignore it; it holds no interest for me and hopefully for your husband too.

You say you trust your husband. It's time to put that trust into action. Don't forget... he's trusting you, too. How many Navy wives get some action on the side while hubby is gone? Why don't you both prove you are the couple who can be completely faithful during your separation; it will make you that much stronger when you are reunited instead of giving him the 5th degree about where he went & who he saw while he was away.

I agree with Thaiguy, but I also understand your worry.

The thing I've noticed that strengthens a relationship more than anything is giving respect to your husband. Men crave respect, and women crave love. If you "bost him up" by telling him you're proud of him and things like that, it will take away the feeling of being unappreciated and unimportant, which is the BIGGEST reason for infidelity in a marriage on both sides. Cheating (statistically speaking- can find and post the numbers if you are interested) is USUALLY NOT about sex, but needing to feel "special".

If your husband has not given you reason to be suspicious of him, then it isn't fair to "freak out" on him over the proximity of strippers/prostitutes, because he can't help that. Tell your husband about your insecure feelings, but make it clear you are not accusing him of wanting to do anything wrong, and that its just your hang up. Then you BOTH can come up with ways to help each other stay close and connected through out the time he is deployed.


I know it's not easy being so far away, but I hope you are able to come to terms with it!

I agree with what ThaiGuy said. The worst thing you can do is worry yourself. If you trust your husband you will have no problems! Yeah there are a ton of extra-curriculars right outside the gate, but there is also A LOT to do besides strip clubs/massage parlors. You are going to hear a lot about here but I will agree with ThaiGuy again, the wives are just as bad as the husbands!! It is actually very sad for me to see! You and your husband will boh be fine as long as you can keep the trust #1!

I'm glad the ladies weighed in. As the OP said, this is her first long separation and it can feel scary.

A bit more advice... Rather than trying to "make" him be faithful, put your focus on making him want to come back. Reinforce your love for him. Sailors work hard, and CBs on deployment work VERY hard. He will have unappreciative bosses, and plenty of stress while deployed. So don't lay more problems on him.

In the times you get to chat/call/email, PLEASE don't make it all about "The dog threw up on the carpet", "The toilet is backing up" or "I'm feeling so stressed out." Try to lay some positive stuff on him, and seek his advice where needed. He can't help with the dog or the toilet; he might be able to give advice when the car is making a funny noise. Don't use all your time on the phone to lay out your array of troubles, or you risk making him glad he's gone & reluctant to come home. (that's an overstatement, but you will certainly add to his stress of separation knowing there's nothing he can do to help.)

Use the time before he's gone to make him feel special and yeah, that means the S-word, and you will just feed his fantasy about wanting to come home. And isn't that really what you want?

What does it matter how close they are? Now that Thaiguy has given you all the info. does it change anything? If the person is going to cheat, they are going to cheat no matter how close or far away you are. If you trust him, you wouldn't be going behind his back checking things out. Be faithful, like Chancie said, "Boost his morale" and make him look forward to coming home to YOU, and it doesn't matter that you aren't in Japan. You can still make things interesting via Skype, email, phone. Trust is the only thing you have while he's here, don't ruin it by being paranoid.

Good luck on this long deployment and I hope you get the answers you are looking for.

You should really get over it. There are too many misinformed people that spread too many rumors about Japan. Japan is a very conservative society. Prostitution, if he were looking for it, is extremely difficult to find especially for a foreigner. Besides it's illegal under the UCMJ and Japanese laws and is frowned upon by Japanese. Strip clubs in Yoksuka, well I don't recall any strip clubs that allowed foreigners in.

If you really have a trusting relationship with your husband, let the insecurity go. He will be working his butt off while deployed. If he knows that you're thinking about him cheating, he will be thinking the same thing about you. Don't believe the rumors.

ThaiGuy summed it up nicely.

Good luck.

A more legit fear should be avoiding being the nagging bitchy wife that constantly accuses him of cheating. During my times in Japan the wives that pulled that behavior of their husbands pretty much delivered their husbands into the arms of some kind and understanding Japanese woman. And in that case your concern shouldn't be that he's getting something physical, but rather that he's falling in love with someone that treats him so much better.

I think seabeewife has just been listing to some of the wrong people. I have been told all sorts of things about the ports my husband has been too. And Im with her in its intimidating and disturbing to hear some of the things people claim go on. But its your husband who makes his choices not these people who are telling all these stories. If your husband is not doing that stuff now he wont be doing it on deployment either. Thia guy is right you can get a message with a "happy ending" from SanDiego to Panima to the phillipines to anywhere. If your husband is that kind of guy to do that, he is going to find it no matter where he is. He probly knows where to go for something like that where you are at now he just doesnt. In reality he doesnt even have to be on deployment to cheap or do some of the things you hear about.
So dont worry and if he is getting deployed here dont expect him to have weekends off ect. He will probly be working 16hour swings shifts. They wont want him to feel he is on vacation here.

And Jtucker honey less anger in your posts. Im not trying to sound rude but you come across really brash and unfriendly.I know your trying to be honest but its a bit harsh to read that.

This information is to all the spouses that have a loved one in the military who visits 7th fleet ports:

What to fear with the following ports: GUAM, SINGAPORE, THAILAND..

- GUAM: (Tumon) This port is the most Americanized port that you will visit in the 7th fleet.

All language is primarily spoken in English.

Guam has several strip clubs!

Strip Clubs In Guam: Club Crazy Horse, Club G Spot, Club USA, Dream Girls, Mimi Club, Vikings

Dance Clubs: Sand Castle and Globe

Located in the Sandcastle complex in the heart of Tumon, on San Vitores Road , the Globe is a Las Vegas style nightclub and disco. The Sand Castle offers Las Vegas style dinner shows with music, dancing, magic shows and animal acts. The Globe Disco is located in the same building. The Globe is crowded and loud with state of the art sound and lighting systems. If Disco is your thing, this is the place. Guam does have prostitution areas. Most are Koreans, Chinese, Russian, and Thai women. Cost $100-$150 The good thing is, these places are hidden, not as open to the average tourist. If your husband or spouse wants to find these places they will. Easy way, ASK! Taxi drivers usually will navigate the customer to what they are looking for. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
- SINGAPORE: Singapore is HUGE for prostitution since its legal!
The famous area, which most military members have visited atleast once in there trips to Singapore is called "Orchard Towers."
Its a Military members - Singapore landmark, four floors of hookers and ladyboys...

Nickname: 4 Floors Of Whores (Check video below..)

I found this write up on the net of top 4 areas in Singapore:

1) Desker Road - Ready to see women over 45 hooking? Won't find them on Desker Road, but on a back alley between Desker and Rowell Rd (goes east-west, starts east of Serangoon Rd and goes all the way to Besar). On 4pm Sunday, 10 store fronts left their doors open and you can see each having 3-5 women staring back. Local friend said they wouldn't talk until you enter to negotiate prices. The work is done in small rooms inside the store. My friend also said local rate is SGD $12, and most clients are construction workers from India/Thailand (who are paid SGD $20 daily). I found this hard to believe: (a) sex for US$8, (b) the woman were yucky. By the way, it is very safe to walk around here.

2) Geylang - You can find more googling for "Geylang". We drive and didn't get to check out the aquariums. From the car, some streetwalkers were very pretty. Hard to believe local rate is only SGD $40 for a short time (but tourist discount is SGD$80-100). There are even white women, as I saw 4 in front of a love hotel. Many pretty Chinese ones too. Tons of men, guessing Indian/Malaysian, just loitering in the area.

3) Clark Quay - A classy tourist area. You will find some working solo or with a friend, but nothing obvious. I was propositioned two nights in a row by different girls.

4) Orchard Towers (4 Floors of Whores) - Didn't go, but read this is where you spend SGD $200-300. Aussie friend said the name came from 4 dance clubs over one another: 1st floor are cheap women, 2nd floor are pretty girls, 3rd floor are transvestites, and 4th floor is a pricey club where women are gorgeous.
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- THAILAND: (Pattaya Beach & Phuket)
If your spouse is visiting Pattya Beach or Phukett, its recommended you go there to meet him.  If he/she refuses to allow you to visit him, he is planning to cheat!  You should not allow your spouse to any of these places by themselves!

Imagine an entire market of whores!  This is what they will experience.  The entire area of girls trying to meet military.  If a crew is arriving to Pattaya the girls know.  Actually women from Phuket, and Bangkok will go down to Pattaya area just to make more money.  You have to go where the money is.

Google This:  "Walking Street Pattaya"  (Then click images)...  Go through those pictures if you dont believe me.  Its bad!

Video of Pattaya Walking Street:

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To conclude:

There are so many temptations and stories out there!  99% of them are probably true!  You have to remember one thing that most military members dont want you to know!  CHEATING HAPPENS, what happens when your underway, stays underway!  Women just choose to say, My husband isnt like that, he is faithful..  OKAY!  BULL SHIT!  He is in the military.  Military people cheat.  Its a proven fact!

Imagine this.  You go underway for 80+ days..  The first port you visit is Thailand (Pattaya)..  Everyone onboard is excited! EVERYONE from the captain on down.  The entire crew is hearing and sharing stories about the place.
Married men, Married women, they just want to get off the boat and screw..  Thats all they want. 

If you fear that your husband is doing something bad, he probably is.

I am not trying to spread rumors.  These are facts.  Just people dont want you to know it happens.

Do some googling..  Its all out there on the web.

I think we all know cheating happens, believe me, when I am back home and hear everyone raving about our military I laugh inside because I know the OTHER side of the military. The cheating is awful, but come on....to say that everyone is doing it?!?! That is like saying all the spouses here cheat when their husbands are out! Yeah, it happens.. a lot! But certainly NOT always!

"You should not allow your spouse to any of these places by themselves!"

This is utter hyperbole and unnecessary. All you are doing is inciting paranoia. It's true all these temptations are available, but to say that everyone's doing it isn't true. The people running around are just the ones who make the most noise.

One more thing I've learned in life: People who won't trust are generally the ones who aren't trustworthy. They think everyone follows the same deceptive ways that they themselves do. This isn't 100% the case, but pretty close.

Real Truth Exposed!, I don't think ALL MILITARY care to stick their dipstick in prostitutes. Your nasty habits where you have to pay for sex aren't what every Military member partakes in. Lol, get a life. It's easier to not have to pay for sex if you have one.

As for wanting the names of the strip clubs here... it's not worth the effort (plus, it's the "massage-y girls" that are the "problem" here). If your husband wants to cheat, he can find it within his command or on base (possibly even other spouses). The prostitutes and clubs aren't where it always happens. Just have a little trust. Strips clubs can be fun for all, they don't plant the seed for cheating.

Okay like I said before and I am with thai guy. Those places are everywhere. In Sandiego one of the strip clubs does toys for tah-tahs for christmass and adversties it on the raidio for god sake! And you all act as if you have never ever hear of The Bunny Rach in Nevada.

These places are out there but only if you go looking for it. Is there a % of men who do? Yes. Is it every man? No.And the wifes that get cheated on during pack at places like that usually have already been cheated on from the get go. For the majority of millitary coulps I have know that end up having one or the other cheat, its usually not at strip clubs or "cat" houses. Its usually someone who gives a sympathetic ear for either the wife or the husband.

As for Seabeewife not trusting her husband, I think its more of a she is scared. She says its going to be her husbands first long deployment. She wants to know what to expect and she probly gets more of what The real truth has too say. than anything eles. You know its not all strip clubs and whore houses on any deployment. There arnt girls draging our husbands off base or off a ship. The streets arnt lined with strip clubs. There are no half naked hookers flashing there nhannys to anyone either.He would have to go out looking for these things.

This I think is kinda what I went through when my husband went on his first deployment. Your scared for your husband. When they deploy,they arnt going down to grandmas to make cookies. They are put in all sorts of dangerous and extraordinary circumstances. The strip clubs ect are just part of those circumstances. I dont think this is a trust issue as much as it is a worry.To be honest I dont know if she feels the same was as i do but if my husband cheated on me.I would divorce him but I wouldnt want him to get AIDS or herpes from some hooker. This is more of the stress of being away from him. Not being able to drive down to the ER if he gets hurt. Not really knowing if he is okay at any single point in time and the stress of anticipating of it does weird things to you sometimes.
I dont know about anyone eles but after the first Tiger Cruise my husband ask me to go on. I didnt realise how badly the ship rocked back and fourth. He was on an all male ship so I didnt get to see berthing really. And when he went on pack I had nightmares of him falling out of his rack and dying. The day the pulled back into port my husband had his OX take me down and show me the nets they have so no one falls out of thier rack. Now my husband told me they had nets and I ask probly 100 stupid questions about them but I had no reference point in my mind of what they looked like/were.When i read net i though of fishing net.Which really couldnt keep anyone in there rack all that well. She is just looking for a referance point in her mind.

If a person is going to partake in that type of environment on deployment, they would do so even if they had an 8-5 job here at home. If they wouldn't, then it's not what they'll be looking for.

During port calls there is a LOT more to do than just get drunk and visit strip clubs - there are excursions organized, a lot of touristing, and some people choose just to find a local Starbucks or other place with wi-fi and actually call home.

Yes, there are those type of places. Yes, there are those types of people. But there are also wives back at home who take advantage of being able to go out at all hours and do what they want as well. Being on deployment doesn't make someone act out of character, it just makes it easier to do what they've always wanted anyways.

There are plenty of moral, honest, honorable men and women in the fleet. There are also those scumbags who make it look and sound bad for the rest of us. Try to relax and tell him you want him to enjoy port calls, you could even research some fun things to do in the area that are innocent and maybe if he sees that he doesn't HAVE to go with the guys going to strip clubs and all then he won't. Good luck - it is stressful but it gets better after your first deployment because you know better what to expect.

Did she note that she should try to be faithful her self while he's away? I mean she is at home alone with all the familiar faces and friends and what not. How do you think he feel's?

LmAO i just watched those videos, it looks like everything the guys tell me. Home boy is screwing the game up because chances are those guys in the videos are someones hubby...

Wow! How did this get all started.. I havent been online in a few days, and actually receive a few complaint emails from it.

Taking into account I once was in the military and have visited all 3 of these places, I can relate to what "Real Truth Exposed" is saying, but I would have to disagree that EVERYONE cheats.. Not everyone!

There are a lot of people, that do enjoy going out and partying at these locations when they hit liberty ports.

You have to trust your spouse. Thats the key. If your husband is going to cheat, they will do it regardless of what liberty port they hit.

Complaint emails? Lol. Grow up people. Everyone was pretty much dishing out the truth expect "Real Truth Exposed!" seems like they're tolling to get a rise out of spouses, ha ha.

And Prim has a point on both counts!

I don't think REAL TRUTH EXPOSED said, "everyone cheats." I think this person just pointed out that there are a lot of real temptations out there when sailors visit these ports. I have to agree. Even my husband was appalled by the number of people that he came across during his time in the Navy that would go out and cheat on their spouse while visiting these ports.

Each person is different. You know your spouse.....and, you know what he or she is capable of. You've lost half the battle if you can't trust the person you married. If there's a trust issue, then clearly there's something terribly wrong with your relationship.....whether it be a cheating spouse or a jealous wife with insecurity issues.

Being stationed in Norfolk a can remember Miltary wife's picking up guys at the bars and have boyfriends while the husband were on deployment.

WOW!!!, has your husband seen this. Do you realize you probably just destroyed your marriage? And to say and I quote "I trust my husband very much" Whether paranoid or not, this is not good. How would you feel if your husband submitted this same question to a public site?

For Relationship Survival, Honesty Is Definitely The Best Policy
By Yvette Currie, CFAY Fleet and Family Support Center

While attending a social excursion recently, I was put on notice by a friend with “you want me to be completely honest with you? Well, here goes... ” Not only did this make me nervous, but I braced myself as a barrage of insulting conjecture came flying forth with a fierceness I had not yet experienced with my friend.

Often times, couples will come into my office, with a chasm between them seemingly a lifetime long. They display and report hurt and distance and fear and distrust. They go round and round and argue utilizing the same phrases and statements, and tell me these are the same arguments they have at home, which is repetitive and unproductive.

When it is time for apologies, they are often cerebral exercises. “I am sorry” typically stated by the husband and the response is typically the wife saying, “Yes, I’ve heard all this before.”

There is often follow-up questioning, typically by the wife such as “but why, why did you do it in the first place?” And, there is the husband’s typical come back with “I am sorry, I won’t do it again.”

Sometimes, these conversations or variations of this conversation occur over and over, session after session. Sometimes, ultimately, the repetitious feedback loop will alter and new information will be divulged, perhaps something on the lines of “I’m sorry, I did it because, I didn’t want to be around you, that’s why.”

At this point in the session, the other party, often the wife, will frequently cry at the new revelation. This is where the entire dynamic changes.

I have observed an entire shift in the relationship dynamic, right before my very eyes. The husband, typically observing the tears, will begin to agitate endlessly in his seat, talk compulsively, look away, and will appear to become extraordinarily uncomfortable.

When I ask him the standard therapeutic question, “what is going on for you right now?” He’ll often reply, “I have no idea what to do, when she cries, I can’t fix it.” Upon further probing from me, the rationale often whittles down to “I feel helpless.”

So, what is the alternative? Save the wife from hurting, save the husband from feeling helpless, alter, conceal, or omit the truth.

This plan of relationship survival comes into my office over and over. It’s often unconscious and takes a while to uncover. Its inception is noble, saving someone’s feelings from being hurt. Who wouldn’t think this logic charitable? Unfortunately, the outcome is far different than the intent. The unfortunate impact, I’ve observed, is decay in trust. The wife wonders if her husband has ever been honest with her, which causes her to ask herself if she’s just a fool, feels shut out of her husband’s inner world, and the husband feels more and more criticized by his wife – despite his best intentions.

What is the antidote, honesty?

Not the not type of honesty mentioned at the beginning of this article. Brutal honesty is far different than emotional honesty, taking personal responsibility - kind of honesty, revealing oneself - kind of honesty. This self revelatory, real, intimacy-building kind of honesty may, at times, wound the other person. It will not destroy the other person.

On the other hand, the deep traumatic pain individuals tend to disclose, in therapy, is typically related to abandonment and betrayal. These tend to be the most intense, unbearable in intimate relationships. Honesty about one’s inner world, fears, likes, dislikes, et cetera, is not something typically reported in therapy as ultimately destructive to marriages.

Brutal honesty tends to come out in a blast, accusatory, full of intensity, sometimes in anger, and tends to induce the desire to move away. It can be experienced as criticism and for some; it is experienced as criticism of one’s entire core being. It is no surprise then that defensive walls tend to materialize in response.

Emotional honesty tends to come out softer, full of emotion, tentative and induce the feeling of compassion in the other person. The desire to move closer, often results. Despite the benefits of emotional honesty, it appears to be the most elusive to the majority of couples I see.

This level of honesty requires the ability to tolerate being uncomfortable for a little while, to accept one may not be able to fix it, in the moment, or spare one’s spouse pain. It also means allowing one’s spouse to have their own feelings, no matter how different, oppositional, inconvenient, unconventional, ill timed, et cetera.

Sharing the complete self, through emotional honesty, can lead to an intimacy deeper than ever imagined, can strengthen the compassion, can lead to a profound understanding of one another. Isn’t that, ultimately, what we all crave, to be heard and understood?

For further exploration of your relationship dynamics, please see a therapist at the Commander Fleet Activities Yokosuka Fleet and Family Support Center by calling for an appointment at 243-7878.

Link to this post:

http://www.japanbases.com/forums/aft/5194.aspx

Thanks so much for understanding me and being nice about it. im just nervous. Not that he would really "cheat" but go places or do things that could "tempt" him. I dont know. I do trust him but we have only been together 1 yr and married since feb. Before my husband I came from a very stressful 3 year relationship where the guy constantly cheated on me and lied and i stupidly stayed with him. I know i shouldnt bring that into my marriage, i know i know! But maybe i should talk to a counselor or soemthing to get out some anger still deep inside. Everything with my husband is all i ever wanted in a man. I guess what im scared of is something bad happening and us ending what we have. I dont know how else to explain it. Where are you from in Japan? Is your husband navy?

Hello. I dont agree with the above comment "people who wont trust are generally the ones who aren't trustworthy". Its not that i dont "trust" exactly. maybe there is just something im scared of bc my ex cheated alll the time. I do trust my husband but I wasnt asking a question to be scolded. Im a military wife...im nervous, this is our first loong deployment! I want to know the kind of place he will be at. Im going to ask him when he gets there anyway. But i wanted to know before he leaves. I was cheated on mannny times before by an ex. Its like the most horrible feeling to feel like a piece of s**t and that you're not good enough. Im a very pretty girl. I have a good head on my shoulders and i love with all my heart. I dont deserve that. I have NEVER cheated on anyone. I thought this site was to help out people, not make them feel worse. Shouldnt we be making friends on here? I wanted to know the names of any places on base so i can look them up and see what kind of environment it is. We have our boundaries and thats between us. Every couple has their own boundaries. We dont go to bars, clubs, etc. without each other. But i know for damn sure his friends will ask him to go to many places there. I guess im scared he might give in to his single buddies and be put in a bad situation. Things happen at bars, strip clubs, whatever.i trust him 99.999 percent. I guess its that .0001 percent thats making me feel this way. i thought i could come here to find out things and meet military spouses.

I can't figure out what the names of the "places" has to do with it. Are you planning on calling them? I'm confused. The fact is that they are here and all over Japan. It's only a 45 minute train ride to Tokyo. You couldn't list all the name of all the "places" in Tokyo along in 45 minutes. The point is that there are bars and "places" everywhere if you look hard enough and if someone whats to do that sort of thing they can. I think you should consider speaking to a counselor in PRIVATE, to make you feel better and work through your own issues about being cheated on. That has NOTHING to do with your spouse. You can only control yourself, you can't control another person. If he's prone to do those things it has nothing to do with you. If he's faithful, thats also about who HE is. It has nothing to do with you. You can't MAKE someone or CHANGE someone. See a therapist. And I'm not saying that as an insult.

Im so happy you really do understand me! I read this after your first one. Your story regarding the net is exactly how i feel. I cant visualise where my husband will be or how the area looks. i dont know anything. i know where hes goin and thats it. the name. that does nothing for me. however, my husband and i have our own boundaries when it comes to cheating and one is being at a strip club or where women are trying to sexually arouse MY HUSBAND! Thats a NO! you may feel different but my husband already knows that if he walks into a strip club i will divorce him. I have been in a horrible relationship with cheating bfore so i know where things can lead. we wont go to a bar without each other bc you never know who's goin to ask for a ride hom or even come up and kiss you or grab your ass. I dont want to have to come home and tell my husband that. Geez i go to a bar WITH my husband and i get hit on. When i was single i would actually have men touch me and some have even (without my consent) kissed me. just came right up and kissed me. bars, alcohol, naked girls...its all a no if we're not together. thats how "we" are. some may think its too much, but im not married to anyone else so i really dont care. i just want advice and i didnt know where to turn but here.

i didnt know i needed to "note" im not going to cheat a******! did you comment to be a jerk or to answer my question. You dont know me, my family, or anything. Dont be so rude. I met my husband one year ago and moved 1200 miles away from my "FAMILIAR" faces and family to be with him. I have a child and gave up EVERYTHING to be here for him. Why the f*** would i cheat? so he can divorce me and i have to move all the way back with a moving truck and no job? your a fricken MORON! i dont know anyone here where i live. i moved here just 2 months ago. i hardly know the roads yet. You have the nerve! i took a major leap in life bc i love him and want this to work.

hey tulips only. i said he was going to yokosuka naval base. duh. you people..some of you....have no heart. you have no idea my exact feelings on anything except what i write on here. why cant you people be nice like Rea? Im not looking for the answer i want to hear. im looking for the ANSWER to my question. you do not NEED to know why. if you care, then post a comment and if not dont! im so confused with this website. i found it thinking i can meet nice military spouses and i guess i was wrong. i know people cheat! um hello im not an idiot! but i asked a question and wanted an answer. i dont need you people to add to my stress over the internet when my husband is about to leave me for over a year! SERIOUSLY! Be nice or go away.

Nice job Mantastic... Looks like you got her pretty ticked off. ;-)

My ex said she's never cheat on me either, but she had her boyfriend living in my apartment with her while I was deployed. The only things different between your and her history is that she didn't have a child and it was about 900 miles.

Prime was just pointing out that it happens both ways. And, so you know, there are some on here (me included at times) that will throw stuff out just to get a rise out of someone.

If you trust each other and are happy then things should be fine. My wife is active duty, she's at sea often, and when they pull into ports overseas I don't worry that she's cheating. She's a grown woman and will make her own decisions, and I trust her to not do somethng that would hurt our relationship. If she wants to go out and grab a drink, then she does, if the guys she's out with want to hit up a strip club, (sometimes) she will.

He'll be in Japan, not getting shot at by insurgent forces in the desert. That by itself should make this deployment much easier. There's tons to do here in Japan and plenty of ways he can keep in touch. Good luck with your first deployment!

@ seabeewife - Wow sweetie. I thought I was being helpful and not insulting. I realize he's coming to Yokosuka, but Japan is a VERY small island and Tokyo is only 45 mins away. Thats like driving across San Diego. I do have a heart and I feel your pain that's the only reason I posted here. You're not going to get a lot of help from the masses on this site. If you spent some time researching topics on here you would get the temperature here. I thought your question was "what are the names of the 'places' there. If you want real help you'll help yourself but getting some counseling, again, that's not an insult. He's not even gone yet and your in panic mode. You're going to drive yourself, and your husband bonkers. Take a deep breath.

Well said tulipsonly

Wow. Really? Are you still 18? You obviously do not trust your husband if you're airing your irrational fears out on a public forum to complete strangers. Like some other posters have said, if you're all over him and being paranoid and freaking out- even if he goes to a bar without you, that's enough to push any guy away. Maybe he's the type that doesn't enjoying going to a bar with out you- but if you're going to be screaming at him over the phone and threatening to divorce him if he does, I don't blame him for leaving you. He'll end up lying to you about what he does if all he gets is a ration of crap from you.

If you really did trust him, it wouldn't matter if there were hookers on every street corner or if CFAY invited them onto base every night.

Here's a question... from experience being in the Navy, what about the WIVES who cheat while husbands are on deployment. Some even get pregnant & try to pass the kid off as their husbands, or get pregnant & leave their husbands for the new guy (this happend to one of my buddies).

I can tell you about the Trophy Lounge, in San Diego. When teh ships go on deployment, the bar is filled with Navy wives out looking for easy sex! Just ask any sailor & they will tell you.

So, don't just blame the Sailors, teh spouses are JUST AS GUILTY as Sailors. The point is, if the relationship comes down to that type of behavior, just end it, because it's not fair to either party!

CBwife - IMO, to keep a good relationship needs respect, trust, love, comminication, generosity, and a little space between the two. If you at least tried, but you still are not able to find what you are looking for, then just end this relationship. It not gonna be the end of the world.
Hope you work things out...

@ Rhymenoceros - That is the stupidest argument ever. And so very juvenile. Like when a kid gets caught doing something and they say, "well, Bobby did it too" or "Sally did it first". Jesus, yes, women cheat. Annnnnnnndddddd. The reality is that cheaters come in all shapes, sizes, genders, and races. So what's your frigg'in point dude. She was a woman asking about men cheating because she's married to a MAN. Don't turn this in to a "well, uh, women do it to so don't bash on men". I think all cheaters are pathetic. Male or female.

Posted By Tirani on 12-08-2010 2:23 PM

it wouldn't matter... if CFAY invited them onto base every night.

Tirani, that was a secret. You weren't supposed to tell!

It's all about the trust....We have been in Japan almost 4 yrs and on more deployments than I care to remember....TRUST....I have heard way too much about what goes on in port cities but I think if you have a good marriage foundation before the deployment begins then you have nothing to worry about....
and to RHYM~how in the world do those navy wives have time to be sitting in the bars? When my husband leaves, i am the one taking care of the kids....no time for party city...I am doing good if I can find a sitter just for the doctor appointment...
Amazing how some people make time for cheating. I love my husband and I am very thankful that we are both committed to our marriage.
just have to trust and have faith.

Posted By tulipsonly on 12-08-2010 7:44 PM
@ Rhymenoceros - That is the stupidest argument ever. And so very juvenile. Like when a kid gets caught doing something and they say, "well, Bobby did it too" or "Sally did it first". Jesus, yes, women cheat. Annnnnnnndddddd. The reality is that cheaters come in all shapes, sizes, genders, and races. So what's your frigg'in point dude. She was a woman asking about men cheating because she's married to a MAN. Don't turn this in to a "well, uh, women do it to so don't bash on men". I think all cheaters are pathetic. Male or female.

@tulipsonly: Um, ok, you opened up a can of worms when you insulted me by implying I'm "juvenile."

So, sit down & listen! Did you read the last line of my post? Or, are you illiterate?

I said, “So, don't just blame the Sailors; the spouses are JUST AS GUILTY as Sailors. The point is, if the relationship comes down to that type of behavior; just end it, because it's not fair to either party!”

My point was that the post is pointed at men cheating while on deployment, but women cheat while men are on deployment as well. It’s NOT RIGHT FOR EITHER PARTY IN A RELATIONSHIP TO CHEAT! That was my point, if you couldn’t decipher that from the last line of my post you need to get off your ass & take some college course to better you reading comprehension.

Maybe, that will give you something to do instead of sitting around bored looking for things to complain about!

@ Rhymenoceros - Thank you for making my point, again

@tulipsonly : If, your comments, "That is the stupidest argument ever. And so very juvenile. So what's your frigg'in point dude," aren’t' juvenile, attacking comments, then what are? So, don't come off condescending, after YOU threw out insulting comments toward me.

You spoke without even reading the last line of the post. Or, you just read WHAT YOU WANT TO READ INTO THINGS.

If you cannot see that my point is that both men & women cheat, & "if the relationship comes down to that type of behavior, just end it, because it's not fair to either party!" was pretty much the same thing you said, "The reality is that cheaters come in all shapes, sizes, genders, and races... I think all cheaters are pathetic. Male or female," then I don't know what to tell you.

Maybe I should speak another language so you'll understand. I am not condoning cheating by either gender. It’s hurtful, & harms relationships.

How about this language. Have a nice day. lol

@Rhymenoceros...I read all your posts on here, and I understand what you were trying to say...simply that the postings seem to be focusing on men cheating during port calls or unaccompanied tours and that the truth is that the spouse left behind can in turn do the cheating as well..... I think often as women we feel that men seem to do more of the cheating, but I have to agree with you that women do it as well, as I have known a few who have done exactly that.
@Seabeewife...I think you just need to take a deep breath and have some faith in your husbands love for you...if you show some faith in him I think he might be more inclined to want to do everything in his power to make sure you have nothing to worry about Good luck on your upcoming separation

@tulipsonly: You too.

@missyrn: I agree with you comment to CBwife, "Good lick on your upcoming separation."

If there is no trust in a relationship, then there is nothing. Lack of trust tends to push the un-trusted party away. It adds unwanted & un-needed stress the relationship.

If it happens, it happens. Then you deal with it. If it happens & the person is honest about it & openly tells you about it (without you having to ask) then, chances are, they genuinely feel remorse & maybe it could be put behind them & move forward in the relationship.

However, if they hide it & it gets discovered, then that raises some serious questions about that person.

I would rather have someone come up to me & admit that they messed up & made a mistake, than try to hide it, or deny it when they get caught.

Seriously, CBwife, constantly worrying about whether your husband is going to cheat is going to cause more problems in the relationship than it's worth.

How would you feel if your husband constantly e-mailed & called you & quizzed you about your loyalty & if you were cheating?

Wouldn't that get on your nerves after a while?

Just relax & enjoy your marriage. Deal with things as they come. If you spend your time worrying about "what if..." you're going to lose out on time remembering why you love your spouse in the first place.

Just from my personal opinion...I'm here to find out what its like living there as we will be stationed there in the upcoming year and then I find this...people throwing insults and hateful messages. You should all be ashamed or find some other outlet for your boredom. The original poster had a question about what kind of temptations were near the base. All someone had to do was answer THAT question. No judgments needed and no insults.

@D&L: "No judgments needed and no insults." You are correct. I should have bitten my tongue & not responded to the remarks.

Wow guys, really? Honestly, I've seen a lot of good advice on this thread, but the one thing that keeps jumping out at me is that the OP is batsh*t crazy. I've been cheated on too, but that doesn't mean that I put my women on lockdown and prevent them from living. People need space to live, and personally, if I had a wife that smothered me like that, it would drive me insane. If I could recommend one person's advice over the other, it would be Thaiguy. Support your man, and if he's enough of a douche to let a good woman go, let's just say that I'm a strong believer of Karma. Thank you, have a nice. day. =)

peace out

You people are so f***ed up! I didnt come here to get relationship thereapy! I ASKED A QUESTION!!!!!!!! Answer my QUESTION or dont f****** respond you morons! How dumb are you? seriously? hahaha. you dont know me or my husband. you dont know my life, you dont know ANYTHING. I didnt ask for online marriage therapy. OMG hahahaahahha

This is one of those posts where a Military Spouse asks a really bad question, and expects to get a nice response from it as well....And how you act to the response from everyone is even more entertaining.

Seabeewife..... these people are "f***ed up"...I COMPLETELY agree with you.....

After all...

What gives these people the RIGHT to state their CONCERN towards YOUR MARRIAGE?

But wait....You had a few concerns didn't you? Or what was it...Paranoia? Oh no..no...no...it was that YOU WANTED these people to GIVE YOU the names AND almost the DISTANCE as well of how far the Strip Clubs AND the Prostitution Areas where?

Was that it?

Could you be DUMB as well to ASK those questions...ON an Online Military associated BOARD? Maybe you have some of the "moron" qualities as well?

Did you say we don't know ANYTHING about you? Who wrote your question? You or your twin sister?

We don't know that this will be your first Deployment with your husband? We don't know that you have paranoia issues at this moment because of all the stores you've heard? We don't know that you want name and places and exact locations of these horrible areas that have you, oh so worried? We don't know that you "trust" your husband supposedly but you still have concerns & worries?


Be mature at least and realize that you can't come into an Online Board and express your "hidden" concerns about your husbands possible infidelity issues in the future, and then expect people not to VOICE their own opinions...and their own worries.....especially when your DEMANDS were so completely silly<--that's me being politically correct.

I URGE you to go to: http://www.militarysos.com/

You can Rant there..in the ranting area....about your concerns with Strip Clubs and Prostitutes...there's more women than man there.

But....be careful.....you'll get the same responds that you got here, especially when you ask for IDIOTIC DEMANDS like the ones YOU asked for HERE.

Good Luck.