This is something that has probably been asked a thousand times. I am currently stationed in Yokosuka.I am currently dating a Japanese girl. Recently I found out she was pregnant. I was planing on marriage just not this soon. Can someone help with the process and where to start? Because everyone I talk to just seems to oblivious . Any tips and information is appreciated. I am stressing over this because I want to make sure she and my baby are taken care of .

I have no insite on this issue but kuddo's for stepping up to the plate, where ever that leads you. But get ready brother..... you've opened Pandora's Box on this forum.

Okay start with your leagal office and ask for the forms for marriage to a non-US citizen.Also dont forget to ask what she needs to do. The whole process can take about 1year to complete. And you still need to talk with your command and get aproval through them. And once you get done with all that you still need to get her command sponsorship and enrolled into Deers ect. Im not sure if there is away to short cut some of it or not, so be prepared .Maybe someone eles knows better than me. So good luck and congratulations.

Not sure, but it may also be beneficial to go to a Chaplain and seek some advice. It sounds like you really want to do the right thing here, and I know the Chaplains can provide guidance. Best of luck to you all.

You need to sit down and talk to her about what HER expectations are as well. I know you are trying to do the right thing but you don't necessarily need to get married just because of what happened. Marriage that is based on "I had to marry her because she got pregnant" can lead to resentment later in life. I am NOT saying you are free to not take care of your responsibilities. I am saying you need to speak with her first and see what her needs are and make sure those are taken care of in the short term, then start finding out what the longer term holds for both of you.

Bottom line, if it was something both of you were thinking about anyway but its just gonna happen a little earlier I think thats ok. I wouldn't recommend getting married to someone who you didnt plan to marry just because they are pregnant either. So just talk to her and see what is on her mind before you start running paperwork and stuff?

Posted By Blacklabel on 31 Aug 2010 08:39 AM
You need to sit down and talk to her about what HER expectations are as well.

Bottom line, if it was something both of you were thinking about anyway but its just gonna happen a little earlier I think thats ok. I wouldn't recommend getting married to someone who you didnt plan to marry just because they are pregnant either.

Awesome advice; I second that.  I also agree you go see the chaplain; they also offer a pre-marriage seminar which is probably required for you and optional for her.  I urge you both to take it together, and talk about what you learn at the seminar.   Intercultural & language misunderstandings come into play; even with good intentions you are bound to misunderstand one another sometimes which can lead to hurt feelings unintentionally.  The more you understand this, the more you can protect against it.

Blacklabel hit it right on spot! You do not have to marry her just to "take care of your responsibility". The Navy allows you to place the newborn on your Page 2, receive the benefits for said child (and pass those on to the guardian). That way you are being financially responsible for the child. Marriage is tough and as some have said when you marry just for a reason such as that you might feel real resentment in the long run. But again, good job for wanting to take care and do what's right!

Now since you have asked...I am surprised no one has told you the obvious. Talk to your Chain of Command. CNFJ or CFAY has an instruction detailing what is required to get married in Japan. The only time this process takes a long time is when you have a high clearance (TS +) If you only have a SECRET it is actually not so bad (not as back in the day). Your Chain of Command is your best source of information because as long as you follow what they say you cannot get in trouble.

Another thing you need to get ready for is the visit to the embassy. Since the child was conceived prior to marriage you will have to prove that child is yours via a DNA test to prove you are the father prior to gaining US Citizenship for the child. The Military might require this as well prior to allowing the child to be added to your Page 2. The test is really easy as long as the mum is willing to allow it to take place.

And the worst case scenario which many of done, but I highly DO NOT recommend it. You and her take a flight to Guam and go through the marriage process there. This is bypassing the CFAY or CNFJ policy, but it is still possible. It will just cause you a long long long headache and depending on your rank you might be the target of several discussions.

If you have decided to get married then congratulations and I wish you the best. I married a Japanese National in 1974 and went through all the grief involved doing it locally. 36 years later and still married. Now here is what I would do if I were in the same situation again:

Take leave. Fly back to the states with your Fiance or you could even go to Guam. Get married. Take your new wife to the closest military base and get her her dependents ID card. Return to Japan and file the paperwork for command sponsorship. Your command and CFAY will no doubt not be pleased with your 'End run' but like I said, you'll be saving yourself and her a lot of time and grief. Later on when or if you rotate back to the states, you'll have to go through the process of getting her a VISA ("Green Card"). The sooner your married, the sooner she can start getting pre-natal care at the base hospital. Of course as a Japanese National, she has the option of using the Japanese healthcare System.

Wow. Why don't we just disregard all of the rules that CFAY and CNFJ have in place...

Anyone care to join me later? I'll be drinking and driving through the Honch at 3AM while getting a tattoo and having some fun with a massagie girl.

It'll be a blast.

Seriously though, if "e7607" has a security clearance getting married to a foreign national can be grounds to have it revoked. Nothing like a forced conversion... And with that you can request rates to go into, but ultimately Milington makes the decision based on overall manning.

Go ahead, roll the dice.

CFAY/CNFJ rules for getting married are an anachronistic legacy from the post WW2 period. They were put into place for purpose of preventing/dissuading "Fine Young American Boys" from falling into the clutches of some asian seductress. The military should have no role in determining who, when, where and how a person marries. "Apples & Oranges" comparisons are not persuasive. Hypothetically, if an individual is on leave in the states and meets someone then decides to marry before returning to Japan, where's the violation? If that person happens to be a foreign national, so what? If she is also Japanese, then she can definitely return to Japan with her new husband. The only hurdle would be seeking command sponsorship. Can anyone cite a case where command sponsorship was withheld because the dependent and member were married in the states? Security clearance issues have always existed especially for "Security Group" persons. The member is most likely aware of his own situation in that regard. BTW, what's the problem with pulling a little sailor liberty on the Honcho and all that entails? I never did get any tattoos. Never liked them.

I have known several CT's/IS's get married the exact same way as John is referring to and even one of them married a Chinese national from Shanghai. He did it the Guam route... No doubt he was talked to and probably scorned, but what John says holds true.

I did all the paperwork to get married the correct way because I feared for my clearance. It took six months (back in 95) and now that paperwork is no longer required.

The biggest thing I would worry about and I know it will hurt someone's feelings, probably the guy that wrote the original post... MAKE SURE IT IS YOUR CHILD before you do anything rushed. I hate to point out the obvious, but some people aren't 100% faithful.

What also needs to be pointed is that if you are under a certin rank you can not bring dependants to japan. If he is under this rank it could pose a problem. Which is why he should go to leagal and see if a waver to have a dependant is required.Also because there is a baby already invovled and they are not yet married there could be things he needs to do under Japanesse law. So going to leagal first to protect him,her and unborn baby is a wise decision.

Also how and where they get married is between them. They should not feel forced or anything to run to guam and get married because they can. If she wants to play princess bride for her day its whatever they can afford. Its whatever they want. And really they both need to take a deep breath. Relax and think about what they really really want. Things are going to work out one way or another. Its how they get there and if it works that matters.

I had a friend (warrant officer) married to a Japanese woman, they had a child while married. The kid went to a Japanese school & was basically raised Japanese. But his school considered him to be "fatherless"; they had special support programs for kids without dads, it was a huge embarrassment for the kid cause everyone knew he had a gaijin father. And this was a kid whose parents were married before his birth! It seemed a really backward cultural artifact of Japan, and this is all 2nd hand, but does anyone know if Japanese still have this attitude? This was like 15 years ago. Does it make a difference to be married before birth or after birth, or married in Japan or outside Japan?

Actually Thai Guy I currently know of a Japanese woman married to an active duty officer who have two children with a similar situation. She told me that the local government considers her a single mom and so she gets certain 'benefits'. It is all because he is a foreigner! Her children are not old enough to be embarrassed yet, but she is enjoying the perks! It actually makes me kind of sick as it seems like they are playing the system, but it is the way the system is set up. Amazing.

In order to understand the "Legal process" of becoming married in Japan, one must first understand the "Koseki System" or "Family Register". In the U.S., identity is usually derived from the person's "Birth Certificate" and "S.S. Number". Such is not the case in Japan. Resembling a sort of genealogical record, the Koseki lists the Family members in successive generations. A Japanese woman will normally remain listed on her Father's Koseki until married. When a Japanese couple marry (Not to be confused with the "Kekkon-shiki"), they complete a form at their local city hall called the 'Koin-Todoke" to which they each impress their Hanko/jitsuin (personal stamp used in lieu of signature) and then present it to the clerk who accepts it and at that point they are married. The wife is then transferred from her father's Koseki to her husband's. When a child is born, a report is made and the child is entered on his his father's Koseki. If they divorce, a RikKon-Todoke is filed and the mother is separated from the father's Koseki. Also at this time, any children either remain on the father's Koseki or are separated based on the divorce agreement. Almost always 100% custody is assigned to that one parent and the other parent will frequently not be allowed further contact with the children. It is an archaic, awkward and patriarchal system. There are other intricacies but this is these are the main points.

Now for the situation of a foreigner (American) man marrying a Japanese lady: The American has no Koseki in Japan and also has no registered Hanko/jitsuin. Instead, documents from the embassy are provided and the Koin-Todoke is filed. Because the American man has no Koseki, the Japanese woman remains on her original Koseki and an entry is made showing her marriage to a foreigner whose name and nationality are entered. In this sense, they are legally married in Japan. The American will then return to the embassy and receive a "Certificate Of Witness To Marriage". This document will then be the basis for getting his new wife entered on his page 2 and her receiving her dependent's ID. Nowadays children born to Japanese mothers and foreign fathers are considered to have Japanese nationality. They are required by Japanese law to choose between Japanese nationality and U.S. when they are 22. U.S. law has no problem with dual nationality.

Thanks for the explanation, JMAN. That's the first time it's ever made sense. Still, it's an archaic, almost a feudal, system. Someday Japan will have to confront this and see if it's sustainable as more & more foreigners make inroads into their culture. Trust me, by the time kids reach kindergarten they find this very embarrassing due to the way it's handled at school. The whole question of parentage is handled publicly, in front of their peers, and the kid is more or less publicly tagged by his/her teacher as being illegitimate. It is extraordinarily insensitive.

Further random comments: There's a movie out called "Half" which I hope to see. It was produced with the involvement of individuals who have one Japanese parent and are referred to commonly in Japan as "Half". It documents the life of such individuals as they grow up in Japan coping with societal hurdles. Interestingly enough, there are many successful "Halfs" in Japan, especially in the entertainment industry. Currently singer/songwriter Angela Aki is very popular. Children who have a Japanese mother and a foreign father are registered on their mother's Koseki and consequently will have the mother's surname. In Japan, if her name is Kubota, Japan will always identify her as Kubota even if she has been married to John Smith for thirty years. She will always be Kubota. Since the child will probably also hold the citizenship of the father's country, they will have his name. This results in the child having two identities. One Japanese and one American/foreign. Some cope with it well and some don't. "Ijime" (bullying) is a big problem in Japanese schools and consequently a lone "Half" can sometimes have a difficult time.

Great explanation JMAN.

e760:
I understand your concerns, because I was in a similar situation almost 7 years ago.

Let me explain a few things about the Naval Hospital. Even though your child growing inside your girlfriend the base cannot provide any support during the labor. I was told, until she gets an ID card, she cannot be provided medical services.

Now, once your child is born, and added to your PAGE 2, that child is now your rightful responsibility and can receive medical attention from the base, even though you may not be married at the time. Your girlfriend still wouldnt be able to receive any medical attention, but your child could, (after he/she has been born).

Once you get married, (if you do decide to go that route), your new wife, and your unborn child can both receive medical assistance from the base hospital.

My recommendation to your girlfriend. Use the Japanese system!

I am going through our first child now, and we are going with an off-base hospital. They have been very very good. Not saying anything bad about the onbase doctors, I have heard good things, but the Japanese system is in place to take care of your new child. They do a great job. Yes, you may have to come out of pocket for some expenses, but I can assure you, they will do a fantastic job.

Good luck with everything. let us know what happens..