Power Sharing In Relationships
By Chaplain B. Allen Vaughan
July 30, 2010

Do you remember playing on the seesaw, or teeter-totter, on the playground when you were a child?

It was so much fun going up and down, up and down, for endless hours of simple entertainment.

The teeter-totter was a great opportunity for socializing on the playground, because you quickly found out that it doesn’t work very well all by yourself.

It takes two (and sometimes more) to make the teeter-totter work.

Also, you and your seesaw partner had to match up closely in size and weight. But, this is where the fun and creativity of the child’s mind on the playground kicks into gear.

If you put two small children on one end, to balance out one bigger kid on the other end, then you could have even more fun by including more of your friends.

The seesaw was also one of my earliest lessons in the laws of physics. In middle or high school science class, I learned about two objects known as the lever and fulcrum.

The teeter-totter board is the lever, and the fulcrum is the point upon which the board balances or rotates. If the fulcrum is in the middle, then both sides are equally balanced, and one child doesn’t have more leverage than the other.

Imagine, however, a teeter-totter board that has one side longer than the other. The child on the shorter end would have a much harder time making his end go up and down, and the child on the longer end could raise and lower her end with much greater ease.

Once the fulcrum is moved closer to one end or the other, the amount of leverage, or power, moves to the advantage of the person who has the longer end of the lever.

Now, let’s shift gears and apply this example of the seesaw to our significant relationships.

Some idealists would say that, in order for a marriage to work, power must be shared equally between the two partners at all times - the “fulcrum” must remain in the middle, and the “seesaw” must be balanced at all times. That may be ideal, but it is not realistic.

There will be times when one partner in a couple will have more power and influence than the other. The spouse who is on active duty may have more power when it comes to deciding upon the next duty station, state, or country the family will move to, and therefore occupy the “long end” of the seesaw. However, the non-military spouse may have more power and influence in choosing a home or the kid’s schools, once the family has arrived in the new location.

Amean prank that my friends used to pull on the playground would be for one child to jump off the seesaw at the moment he or she was on the “down” side, leaving the other child on the “up” side to fall suddenly, slamming their end of the seesaw to the ground.

When one person holds the power to make decisions that affect the whole family (in other words, sits on the “long end” of the seesaw), then that person must be trusted to use their power in the best interests of everyone involved.

If you are the one who is holding power, be sure to listen very carefully and be attentive to the needs of your spouse and family. If you are on the “short” end of the seesaw, then it is up to you to clearly communicate your needs and help your spouse make those difficult decisions.

Marriages and significant relationships last longer, and are strengthened, when power and influence is used lovingly and appropriately, and especially when power is not abused. Also keep in mind that, when circumstances in life change for either spouse, then the position of the “fulcrum” can change as well, and there can be a shift in power that occurs within the marriage.

Above all, keep talking to each other and building up that trust which is essential to any healthy relationship. Remember, a teeter-totter can be a whole lot of fun, as long you “play nicely” with others. God bless!