Isn't attached to a ship, but might as well be, because all his days off are spent bending over for the command.
Yeah. Its upsetting. I have no where else to rant and I'm sure nobody really wants to hear this, so I will rant here! Hence the forum available for us.
Since my arrival to Japan, I've done nothing but hope that I can actually spend some quality time with my husband. I'm a new Navy wife. I understand this lifestyle takes quite the getting used to. Fine, understood. But my husband is NOT attached to a ship. He is NOT out to sea for 3-however many months most men are gone.( I don't know how the wives do it, but more power to you. I admire you all. )  So, since he is not out to sea or gone for periods of time, it should allow him to spend time with his family that is going to expand in the next month. ( We are having a baby girl ) You would think that. Yet, again, since my arrival, 18Mar2010, almost 2 months now, I can count on ONE hand the days we have spent together as a family. And I'd STILL have fingers left over to keep counting the days this place has taken from him.
He has been running to and from PSD (several times), ADMIN (several times), SEC 'TRAINING', PRT's (that have been r/s twice bc of inconvenient times for those running it, not the men who are taking it), etc etc. Running to PSD/ADMIN. Trying to update his page 2 since I've been here, having them tell him he needs something different everytime. Running to housing requesting a letter, like he would LIE about living ON BASE?! Then telling him he NEEDS an appointment to update his page 2?! WTH else do they have to do there in PSD, that they are tooooo busy to take 10 minutes and update his page 2!? Nobody can tell me they need more time bc I was there in San Diego when he updated his page 2 after bieng married, and it took the girl 5 effin minutes to do it!! No appt, nothing, we just walked in!!
The trainings and prt's don't bother me bc ofcourse he has to be fit for his job, but he works 14hr shifts and the timeliness of all this effin SUCKS! They schedule these exams and trainings as if these men were just lounging around doing nothing the night before or day before. ALL these have been the morning his shift has ended, starting at 1000 or 1100, leaving him only 2 to 3 hrs of rest beforehand. Driving from one satellite to main base Yoko on 2 or 3 hrs of sleep might as well be drunk driving!! Is it too much to ask for the people conducting these, to stop putting THEIR schedules before these men's schedules? They could atleast split up the quals, weigh in's, or trainings for day shift/night shift! Not put them ALL together and have some men half asleep and the other fully awake?! Having them sit there to get gun qual'd for 5hrs, 3 of those sitting there, not doing a thing and listening to about 30 ppl have dumb conversations, when things could have been sped up and gotten over with. When those 30 men/woman could have been split up into 2 groups, 2 separate days, split up by day/night shift?!?!?!
Maybe then my husband wouldn't be missing out on my prenatal appts, or baby classes he needs to take for his first child, or going to buy things his unborn daughter will need when she arrives for her nursery, as if he were attached to a ship! We are one month away from our daughter being born and he barely has the time to come home, eat and sleep, let alone build our daughter her crib and changing table. I am not in the condition to go out and lug these things around myself, so I need him to help. Or atleast BE A PART of all this for his baby girl.
The only thing this command has done for us, was approve my sponsorship. They have done nothing else to help us. He had to buy my ticket bc they found a discrepency in the package AFTER it had been approved and we were waiting for my flight to be approved. Should that have been found before the sponsorship approval, you ask? Yes, it should have. We've been out of the lodge for a month and weeks now, and he has yet to be paid his final TLA check. But sure, deduct his pay REAL quick for whatever they overpaid us for my rent back home, only bc they lagged on processing the paperwork when he told them when I was arriving. Now they want him to run a mandatory chit for college? He HAS to take classes? Ok fine, but will they give him time with his family first? We haven't been outside of Yoko or Zushi since I've arrived!! So for his past 35 days off, about 3 have been spent with me and getting things ready for the baby. We werent allowed a pack out, so our house is still VERY empty bc we have no time to go out and look for furniture or cookware!
UGHHH..its no wonder why Navy has such a failure rate when it comes to marriages. All the stress they put on families, even when they are NOT attached to a ship.
Stop making all these quals, weigh ins, and trainings at a convenient time for those running it!!!! And start looking at the schedules of the men coming in for them!! Stop making your men drive on 2/3hrs sleep to get things done bc ohhh..so and so said they have to bc its convenient for them!! How would they feel when one of their men got into an accident on the drive there bc of something that needed to be done on their time after no sleep!? UCK..My hope for things to get better are only dwindling.
My husband isnt even attached to a ship. So what is the excuse for him missing out on his first child? Maybe if he was I would not be complaining about him missing out on all this, I would just be sad and try to move past him being gone.
*exhales* thank you. thank you cfay for such a wonderful 2 months here so far. what else do you have for us?

Honey. Here's some {{{{{{HUGS}}}}} because you're going to need them. For the lifestyle of being a young Navy wife and mother and for the barage of BS you are about to get on this site for posting your complaints about not enough time with your man because he's not attached to a ship. Get ready. I understand your frustration. xoxo

Yeah, I know I'll be hearing some dumb things about that. Thanks for the hugs. It's something I needed to get out for both of us, since he is also upset at this. I think writing and complaining about this is what most new wives/moms want to do, but just wont for the fear of BS ppl will say, instead of the comfort they should provide. Thanks for listening! <3

Your so welcome. Add me as a friend and I'll hook you up with some other moms and wives that can help you. You need some friendly faces that can help you with shopping and getting the house filled with stuff to make you comfortable before the baby comes. I have a friend with a two year old daughter who lives on Ikego, she can probably pass down some baby stuff and for sure we can get you a ride to and from where you need to go so you are not doing that by yourself preggo. I can't help with the hubby time, but I can sure hook you up with some really great Navy Wives who are all about working together to help a fellow team member. It will all be fine. I promise. It won't always be easy, but having support from friends makes it easier than it would be.  xoxo and {{{{{{HUGS}}}}}} again.

Signed: Mother Hen

Ok, everyone be nice to BbyBear. Just because "that's the way it is" doesn't make it any easier.

Anyway, "this too shall pass." All the stuff about settling in will eventually be resolved, and years from now you can look back and wonder how you overcame it all.

The only thing I can say is that the paperwork drills are NEVER done, the demands on his time will NEVER abate, but that doesn't mean it will never get better. One thing I've learned over the years is to make family time a priority in my scheduling. When I could be running paperwork or taking care of some BS requirement, to make a conscious choice to put it off for another day for the sake of spending a few hours at home. All the page 2, etc. hopefully is being done during work hours, not during his own time. Certainly it should be, since it is part of his official duties. If he's way junior and getting the run-around from PSD, his immediate supervisor should come over and try to resolve it. That's called "leadership" and hopefully he's seeing some in his workplace.

It's sounds like your husband is very diligent and trying to do things by the book, but unfortunately no one else follows the book so he gets the runaround. But investment in your marriage is far more enduring than any other demands on your time, so accept that and try to maximize your investment.

I know, easier said than done.

I'll echo the "this too shall pass" sentiment. Once all the administrative BS is taken care of, things should get a lot better. That doesn't mean that this current situation doesn't suck hardcore, but it'll get better. And as you get more used to the area and the Navy, it's less hard.

The first six months after a move overseas are always the hardest. Things will settle down once you get settled. That which won't kill you will only make you stronger! There are a lot of caring people in and around this base that know where you are coming from and are willing to help when they can. Don't be afraid to take their help....even if it's to vent. Sometimes we all just need to blow off some steam and talking it out w/ people definitely helps! Good luck to you and your hubby....

I am so sorry for everything you are going through. I wish it wasn't so rough for you. This is Navy life. Nothing stays the same or works out the way you think it will or should. There is always last minute "things" that pop up or happen. Moving on to a new command, especially over seas, is a lot of work. You have to try to be strong. It will all work out in the end. When we arrived here, my husband was supposed to have 3 weeks before he had to report to his new command. HE ended up working the very next morning after we arrived and I was stuck in the lodge with a 2 year old by myself for 5 weeks before we got in to housing. My husband is on shore duty here but his schedule is so hectic and busy that we hardly ever see him. I really hope things slow down for you. I had to have my first (and only) child with out my husband. He didn't meet our daughter until she was 2 1/2 months old. (My hubby was gone for 8 months total I was only 3 1/2 months preggo when he left) So I know how you feel with him missing appointments and classes, but at least he is with you and will be there when the baby is born. Try to look up. Take a deep breathe. Take a walk outside the gates by yourself and enjoy your new surroundings. Being a Navy wife means you have to be strong and independent to some extent. Reach out to us ladies on here if you need help with anything or just someone to listen to you. All in time, hun. Not normal time, Navy time...

It could be worse, at least you arent here on sea duty.  Hopefully it'll get better for you as time goes on.

I've got to point at Thaiguy's middle paragraph... that's really what should be done/going on.

He's working such long hours, though. That's rough is if it's not a temporary thing. Sometimes the commands make them put in extra hours because something important is going... I'm sure they're making him work on quals and training since he's new... so I hope that changes for you. :/

After you're all checked in, and get housing, it should get better. I guess be happy you're not on Sea Duty because these guys are gone 6-8 months out of the year here. It's really a Command where the Navy Spouse has to take things on themselves because there is no one to help. Add children, and it's tough, even when you're settled.

But if you run into a problem or need advice, this is probably one of the best places for your questions.

thanks everyone to being so nice about my rant. I know I've got some getting used to stuff. I just needed to vent. The thing is that he is doing this on HIS time. And there's apparently no such thing as 'great leaders' in his work place. They arent letting him get any of this done during work time and nobody seems to say hey..ill go to them since they are giving you the run around. The qual he had to go do was for something he is already qual'd for too. Thats also why he was so upset. Anyway..Thanks for all the advice. You're all awesome. I was expecting some idiot remarks, but you all proved me wrong <3

That sucks that his command isn't willing to help you guys. I understand we're in the military 24/7 and yadda yadda yadda, but it irritates me how some people get chastised for trying to fulfill their responsibilities to their families.

I know how you feel. I gave birth to my son alone. My family was to far away to make it and my husband was stuck on a ship. So if I can do that you can do this. It will be okay.

**HUGS**... We've been here since December and I feel like I haven't seen my husband since. We're sea duty but this should be his time at home! Oh well... I've been a Navy wife for 7 years and I've gotten used to it I guess. It's really hard at first to adjust your expectations to reality when it comes to this life . I'm so sorry.

Make some friends, see some sights, keep busy!!!

Yea I hear u, people keep saying u need to make friends, but for some people it aint so easy. Especially after all the stories i've heard about women abandoning other women in the middle of nowhere, yeah cabdrivers on base love to talk. I just moved here in February and am pregnant with my first child and its rough. my husbands on med hold but it still gets lonely only talking to him. Just try to keep your head up, trust me i am.

Whoa, abandoning other women? Why? How??? I'm glad that Atsugi has a good Enlisted Spouses Club... that sounds miserable!

For every crazy Navy wife there are 10 really genuine nice ones!!! Just keep an open mind .

Almost sounds like my husbands command and everything that they do.

He is on shore duty and we barely see him sometimes for what he does. I second everyone by getting out and doing things. I am oved here back in 2005 and was six months pregant with my son and my husband was a ship and missed the birth of our son. When he went on shore duty he never made it to the doctors appointments, he had to tell his coc that there was an issue with the pregancy to make it to the appointment to see waht baby number two was.

Keep your self busy, go to all the classes you can and learn as much as you can. It will make the time go faster. Everything will work out.

After the baby is born, you will have to deal with wonderful PSD again to update the page2, add baby to deers, tricare and a bunch of othe things.

dont stress out now, just enjoy and relax and take care of your self.

Here's a bit of unsolicited advice to those with husbands who work this hard, from one who's been there. Trust me, he's not enjoying it any more than you are. His sense of duty and responsibility keeps him going, along with your unconditional love and support. The fact that he can't be a better husband and/or dad right now is wearing on him. He knows his shortcomings without being told.

When he comes home from his 14-hour day, he does not want to be immediately greeted by the problems of the household and the family challenges of life overseas. It doesn't mean he doesn't care; it does mean he's tired and shouldering enough burdens of his own. There's time enough to talk about problems on the home front, but first let him get out of his sweaty dungarees, grab a beer, and unwind a bit. If he can't find peace & solace in his home for at least a few minutes, he has nowhere else (that you would approve of) to escape from his troubles and pressures.

Make sure you're building him up -- and I'm not suggesting you aren't -- and you will find him to be a pillar of strength and partner for life.

Wow, great advice ThaiGuy.

Ditto. Sometimes it's hard to remember when you're up to your eyeballs in reality, but it is not his fault and he hates it as much as you do.

Agreed! I'm guilty of this as well... but sometimes it makes all the difference if I can just keep my mouth shut and listen to his troubles without burdening him with my own. It's not that your job is any less important than his is... it just is what it is. It's really hard, I know... but they need us to be strong!

You ladies rock; I'm glad you understand. It's a lesson my ex never did figure out.

Thanks Keith and Thaiguy for understanding on this one from the Sailor perspective.


It really is tough, and I have gotten on my husband a few times when he came home from work after a bad day. I've learned to back off and let him relax a little bit before we get into any serious conversation (or whining, lol). Of course a home-cooked meal and a beer helps (heck, so does Taco Bell, lol).

Haha yeahhh Taco Bell!!!

My husband once said to me... how would you like it if you went to work all day and got chewed out for nothing every five minutes and then when you finally got to go home your wife did the same thing to you? I said "I have a wife?" J/K... but yeah it would suck! I feel for them. My husband is home about 7 hours a day currently, trying to sleep during hours when I'm trying to get the kids up and ready for school so it's roudy in the house. I really do not envy his position... it's not fun.

You're all awesome. Thanks! =)

Getting settled is the hardest part. Think about it, just when you have all of this mastered, you get to start it all over again. PCS season is lots of fun.

I just want to say that everyone here has said a lot of things that will hopefully help me out with my own issues. You've also made me feel so much better about my own situation.

IVARR's right. My husband and I just got married in May. He left for Yokosuka 4 days after the wedding. I had to stay in the states because we weren't married yet when he received his orders, and now we have to wait for them to be changed from unaccompanied to accompanied before I can even think about seeing him again. (It kind of worked out because I'm still in college, but there were transfer options I was more than willing to take... but Navy time is a broken watch). Sure we have Skype and whatnot but I'm sure you all know it's just not that same. BbyBear, be happy that you can at least give your guy a quick hug and kiss before he goes off to his dreadful day and a longer one when he comes home at night; I don't even get to say good morning to mine, only good night. (Not attacking, just a little jealous )

I think about 2 weeks ago my husband was finally able to update his page 2. As of right now though, I''m still not in DEERS or Tricare, nor do I have a housing allowance so I've been staying with my mother (I'm in a teacher education program, so my class schedule doesn't allow me to have a full-time job, because student-teaching IS a full-time job...). It's been wonderful . My husband finally got one of his CO's to go get on PSD's case about the paperwork though, so hopefully I'll be taken care of soon.

ThaiGuy also had a lot of great points. I know my guy has a very long and tiresome day. And I try so hard not to get on his case about anything I don't need to, but sometimes it all just comes out. Especially considering the time difference issues we have... I wake up at 7 in the morning so I can talk to him at 9 at night. It's nice to wake up and the first thing I do is talk to him. But then he goes to bed and I have the whole day ahead of me where so much happens, and if I'm waiting to find out about something (like paperwork...), it's a whole day later, where for him its only a few hours.

Sorry I didn't mean to add my own little rant to this. I'm so glad I read this thread though. It makes me feel so much better. I mean, it sucks that this stuff never goes away.... but it's made me rethink my situation. BbyBear you get to see him and hug him, even if he is tired and worn out. I am so looking forward to seeing and hugging mine. Deployments and underways will suck (he's already been underway 3 times since leaving...), but at least once I'm in Japan I'll get to be there with him when he's at port, instead of not at all.

Thanks again everyone!

While i feel your pain, I must say it's part of life...My husband was on shore duty when I was pregnant with our last child...I have never had him with me at the doctor appointments...The navy has always kept him away...You learn to live your life without him and handle things on your own. The key is to get out and make friends...Talk to another pregnant woman when you see her that's how you start friendships. I won't go into my sob story here only that my husband is on the G.W. and we just did 3 years on the Essex down in Sasebo...if I have brain cells left when we leave japan i will be lucky for sure.
Hang in there~You have a new baby to look forward to and bonding with.

I am oh too familiar with this kind of issue. And I'm sure many of us are, it's more painful than words could begin to describe. But as long as you two stay strong and supportive of each other, in no way can the duties of even the navy break your relationship. It's like that well known idiom, ya know? "Take the bitter with the sweet." I just thought of a cute idea on how a couple can still bond and reassure each other even when they're not physically together! Find out when is a time you both can listen to radio while doing your stuff, such as your jobs for example, and send each other song dedication requests! Yes, I'm serious! And if one of the lovers are begin to feel insecure about whether they are still loved by the other, I personally suggest you dedicate a song like Just The Way You Are - Bruno Mars to them! I really love that song, such a beautiful song of reassurance. I'm serious about this idea.

SORRY FOR THE DOUBLE POST, SOMETHING WENT WRONG WHEN I WAS EDITING MY POST ABOVE. THIS IS THE REVISED VERSION... I am oh too familiar with this kind of issue. And I'm sure many of us are, it's more painful than words could begin to describe. But as long as you two stay strong and supportive of each other, in no way can the duties of even the navy break your relationship. It's like that well known idiom, ya know? "Take the bitter with the sweet." I just thought of a cute idea on how a couple can still bond and reassure each other even when they're not physically together! Find out when is a time you both can listen to radio while doing your stuff, such as your jobs for example, and send each other song dedication requests! Yes, I'm serious! And if one of the lovers are beginning to feel insecure about whether they are still loved by the other, I personally suggest you dedicate a song like Just The Way You Are - Bruno Mars to them! I really love that song, such a beautiful song of reassurance.

You have all the Aces in your hand! The newlywed, new to the Navy, new to Japan and now pregnant hormones! So things are going to be more heightened as well right now because so much seems difficult. You would think that after doing the same thing for years and years that they (the Navy) really would figure out a better way to move paperwork along, but alas, you are talking about the Government. They don't want anything to be easy!

Unfortunately when you married your spouse, you married the Navy too! And with that, the more your Sailor progresses up the ladder of success, then the greater the responsibility is that come with the promotions and sometimes more and more time is required as well. Hopefully you can figure out how to have the most "quality" time with the "quantity" of time you have.

For those of you new to Yokosuka or Atsugi, there is a program called COMPASS. It is a program done by spouses for spouses who have been there and have the scars and stories to tell. They feed you lunch each day and you are able to learn some things about this crazy Navy life that you have now embarked on because you fell in love with a Sailor! You will also meet others who are in similar circumstances as you as well as meet new peers whom you can network with.

The next course is being offered September 14, 15 and 16th from 9AM - 1PM in the Community Readiness Center. If you are interested, then go to www.gocompass.org and sign up.

Good luck, things will get better!