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Forums > More About Japan > Dating & Relationships

Discuss Tips/Issues Dating American Women In Japan

Last Post 01-13-2011 7:19 AM by FTC Huebner. 239 Replies.

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rmurphree

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01-25-2010 8:35 AM
It's too bad it has to all be about race!! You guys sound like a bunch of haters! (No wonder most countries think Americans are stupid) We can't everyone just treat people as people. Everybody is different, I don't care if you are Japanese or American. Woman play games just as much as men do, period.

gbeckwith

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01-25-2010 9:04 AM
Who are these American women? Primarily military's my guess. Who wants someone who's gonna transfer sooner or later? Long distance relationships suck. I saw an American woman at the NEX before Christmas. From behind I couldn't tell that she was pushing a shopping cart. Look at the availability of American women around any base. A quick study will let anybody see why they're available. Sat near two on a train last week (not by choice) and I was embarassed by their language and inconsiderate actions. Lots of American women around but very few American ladies.

rmurphree

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01-25-2010 9:24 AM
It may be very well true that many American woman here are rough around the edges. I sure do experience it (women screaming at their kids, talking profanely, wearing what they ought not to). I know we are discussing dating American women, I just wanted to point out that I have also seen many American men commiting even worse acts of impropriety.It is admirable to see a man hold out for a lady. It is far less admirable to see a man make ignorant assumptions and judge women based solely on their nationality. That is neither admirable or honorable. But who said the modern American man was either admirable or honorable? : )

水兵　Sailor

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01-25-2010 9:29 AM
After rereading all the comments, I am struck by the realization that this is in many cases an example of 'The tables having been turned' or 'Poetic Justice' so to speak. The losers become the 'Players' and the 'Players' become the 'losers'. For me the big difference is not one of race but of culture. The most endearing quality that I found in the women of Nihon is their willingness to place a priority on what is best for the 'Family' and children. In other words they were not the 'It's all about me' types. They are not the docile meek creatures that urban myths would have you believe. They are not prone to engaging in hysterical drama in public but if you screw up, you will pay for it when you get home. I am aware that things are changing and some of this may be dated but that is my experience.

rmurphree

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01-25-2010 9:36 AM
Westpac, that, to be sure, is what I call admirable.

Primemas

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01-25-2010 9:50 AM
Its not about race, its about nice average guys having the uper hand for once.

I am whats known as MANTASTIC!!!

KeithJ

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01-25-2010 10:11 AM
I'm with John on this one. The onus isn't on women to impress the men, as it was a couple of years ago, now it's on the men to step up to the plate, and the women can pretty much be as picky as they want. Sucks, but it's the reality of it. And sorry to the guys with Japanese girlfriends/wives, but I think that it's taking the easy way out. But, American women can be pretty harsh and picky, so it's understandable. I just don't want to be somebody's meal ticket/green card.

Warning: Eventually, I WILL say something that offends you. This is perfectly normal. My recommendation: get over it.

Primemas

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01-25-2010 10:19 AM
hahaha keith you just sayin that cause you have run into too many crazy fillapinas lol.

I am whats known as MANTASTIC!!!

KeithJ

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01-25-2010 10:40 AM
haha that's part of it. I'm still not gonna sponsor somebody's whole family, though. Not gettin caught up in that whole mess.

Warning: Eventually, I WILL say something that offends you. This is perfectly normal. My recommendation: get over it.

Yoko-girl

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01-25-2010 11:17 AM
Westpac - Why do I need to post a pic on this forum? E/ profile has a "photos" tab for pictures. I'm not going to attach my picture directly to this forum when it's just as easy to view my profile. Back to the main topic......I do feel that men on base get the short end of the stick when it comes to women. The men definitely outnumber the women. Life would be pretty tough as a dude if you were looking for a serious relationship overseas. Now, if you're just looking for a piece of a** then, that's another story. From what I've seen and heard, there are plenty of married women that will throw themselves at you while their husbands are deployed. Not only that, but there are plenty of women out there that you can pick up in a bar if you get them all liquored up. But, if you're looking for a serious relationship, why would you want to be with a women like that?

gbeckwith

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01-25-2010 11:24 AM
John, I'm gonna expand a little on the cultural thing. It's too bad that this is such a touchy subject and people take it so personally. It's all a matter of individual tastes, needs and desires. Personally, dating Japanese women has taught me more about the Japanese culture and took me to more places in this beautiful country than ANY experience I've ever had with American women. I don't care who anyone else dates or why because it's a personal issue. A thread such as this provides no useful purpose and leads to name-calling and finger-pointing. Ya might as well start a thread about which religion is the best. Or which team do you like and why. No matter who you are relationships are about mutual respect. If you don't have that, regardless of culture, one of you will end up being the bad guy/gal.

Primemas

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01-25-2010 11:29 AM
Hey West pack, woman cant stand when we have the odds on our side. They will never lets us win the argument sir lol. Yoko girl no need for the pics just spare your self.

I am whats known as MANTASTIC!!!

KeithJ

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01-25-2010 5:07 PM
t there are plenty of women out there that you can pick up in a bar if you get them all liquored up. Am I the only guy that doesn't do this?

Warning: Eventually, I WILL say something that offends you. This is perfectly normal. My recommendation: get over it.

gbeckwith

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01-25-2010 5:10 PM
Nope.

elzey02

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01-25-2010 9:18 PM
who is out here spending on these Japanese women, it's all free unlike with the American women.

Blacklabel

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01-25-2010 9:57 PM
yep I dont know of any Japanese girls who are waiting on guys to get paid. Hell most Japanese girls have more disposable income than the guys on the ships do. I like that there is no expectation that I pay for everything unlike with other women. With the Japanese women I am expected to pay for my half only, if that. A few times I have been treated for the whole thing which I always repay by treating the next time. (I dont take them for a ride like some dudes do, thats just not right) I dont understand the USA based idea that men are supposed to pay for all the date. Like its a privilege that you even agree to come out with me? I dont think so....You ate food just like I did, you wanted someone to talk to you and listen to you, I did that. So if you want "equality" it wouldn't hurt to open the wallet from time to time and actually BE equal instead of just talking about it.

KeithJ

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01-26-2010 9:07 AM
Let's not forget the guys that bring them on base to shop at the NEX hoping that they'll get some.

Warning: Eventually, I WILL say something that offends you. This is perfectly normal. My recommendation: get over it.

Blacklabel

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01-26-2010 10:28 AM
Yeah, I don't see anything wrong with them doing that, you use what you got to get what you need. Just helping the girl to get some stuff to look and smell good, not like they are in there buying her a TV. If I have a girl who I expect to cook my food, don't see anything wrong with going to the store onbase and buying a couple of steaks for her to make for us. They shouldn't have to marry a girl before they can feed her from the commissary or get her a couple of makeup items from NEX. I know dudes that have hooked up off a couple of tacos and burritos at Taco Bell. Now THAT is game! don't hate, appreciate!

elzey02

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01-28-2010 3:21 PM
I know dudes that have hooked up off a couple of tacos and burritos at Taco Bell. Now THAT is game! don't hate, appreciate! Now thats some funnystuff right here.

Softballwidow

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01-28-2010 4:17 PM
I'm not going to"hate" on this post. If I were an ugly American Male I would take any orders I could to Japan. The women here are beautiful, take a lot of time in their appearance, and are very "pleasing". I don't know if that wears off once a ring is slipped on the finger. Sometimes when I walk by a couple where the women is a "10" compared to the "-2" of her date, I feel bad for her. I also don't understand when people are dating, and need an interpreter. It doesn't make sense to me, unless you're after that "one" thing (which obviosly many of you are). I'm sorry that many of you have sworn off American women all together. Obviously many of us are high maintenance, but there are decent ones out there too...you just might not find them in a club, or dive bar.

水兵　Sailor

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01-28-2010 4:24 PM
I hate to repeat myself but...........aw [deleted] I'll do it anyway.... After rereading all the comments, I am struck by the realization that this is in many cases an example of 'The tables having been turned' or 'Poetic Justice' so to speak. The losers become the 'Players' and the 'Players' become the 'losers'.

gbeckwith

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01-28-2010 4:56 PM
The only time I've had to completely pay for a date with a Japanese lady is when they're low on cash. The ones I've dated from the Honch area were only dated once...I was trustingly scammed. But who cares?

KeithJ

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01-28-2010 6:00 PM
Posted By Softballwidow on 28 Jan 2010 04:17 PM I'm not going to"hate" on this post. If I were an ugly American Male I would take any orders I could to Japan. The women here are beautiful, take a lot of time in their appearance, and are very "pleasing". I don't know if that wears off once a ring is slipped on the finger. Sometimes when I walk by a couple where the women is a "10" compared to the "-2" of her date, I feel bad for her. I also don't understand when people are dating, and need an interpreter. It doesn't make sense to me, unless you're after that "one" thing (which obviosly many of you are). I'm sorry that many of you have sworn off American women all together. Obviously many of us are high maintenance, but there are decent ones out there too...you just might not find them in a club, or dive bar. Wow... I could destroy this post but I'll be nice and just call you a euphemism for a female dog.

Warning: Eventually, I WILL say something that offends you. This is perfectly normal. My recommendation: get over it.

KeithJ

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01-28-2010 6:01 PM
Thanks for the input, though. You remind us of why so many guys go after foreign wives.

Warning: Eventually, I WILL say something that offends you. This is perfectly normal. My recommendation: get over it.

Elizabeth

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01-28-2010 6:30 PM
Aww, lawd, this post. Some guys are just ragging on American woman and in turn American woman are going to get "bitchy"/defensive in turn. I don't think anyone has actually given advice yet, lol. American woman are high maintenance, Japanese woman look for the "three highs" (higher height, higher education, higher wages), European woman look for... get it, the stereotypes continue.

"When I pulled my hamstring I went to the Misogynist." -Brittany

ManGoat

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01-28-2010 6:54 PM
Just to move towards the topic: Here is my #1 tip: Spend 2 weeks in Pattaya, then come back and tell us your new outlook on life.

KeithJ

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01-28-2010 7:22 PM
American women are just like American cars. Used to be, you take good care of her, and she'll take good care of you. Now it's more of a gamble, and most times you come out losing. Then you find everything you wanted from something overseas.

Warning: Eventually, I WILL say something that offends you. This is perfectly normal. My recommendation: get over it.

flyerNO88

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01-28-2010 9:04 PM
Every time I read the posts on here I am reminded of the fact that most of the men on here are sad little people. Of course they date foreign woman, most American woman wouldn't have anything to do with them. Each culture has a different expectation of their "men" and these guys don't measure up to the American expectation, but they fit just fine in with the Japanese version of a man. I say, let the Japanese woman have them. If the women are happy, then great, both parties win. The "men" can be themselves without having to worry about the pesky little things like respect. BTW, when you're on a date, if you asked the woman out, of course you pay for drinks or meals or whatever. If I asked a guy out, I would pay. Sounds like a bunch of tightwads to me.

Adam Jones

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01-28-2010 9:14 PM

reminded of the fact that most of the men on here are sad little people

Hey, thats not very nice..

without having to worry about the pesky little things like respect

I dont know what type of women your talking about, because I dont go for those stupid bar girls, or club girls. I wanted to find a women with class, and a career. I can assure you, that not all American's that come over here are intersted in those quick type of women.

I have had friends, that were interested in just having sex, but there were also those guys, that were after money as well. They only dated the girl, if she had money. They are hard to come by, but there are a few out there.

I was eating at a restaurant about a month ago, when 4 american girls ( I believe they were from the GW) came in. I just minded my own business, but eventually they began talking with me. They asked, "Why they couldnt find a decent guy in Japan?" I told them, because they are looking for people in the military..

There are a lot of people with NO GOALS! Absolutely none. They live everyday for themselves, and never think about the future. How do you expect to get into a relationship with anyone that has no desire to create a future?

You have people with debt, ex-girlfriends, and other crazy things that they try to hide at the beginning of a relationship. Eventually it all comes out.

I am sure there are a few good girls out there, and possibly some good guys that have their S*** together, but your still not dealing with a LARGE STOCK of grade "A" meat (I mean men)..

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KeithJ

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01-28-2010 9:15 PM
I've never dated a Japanese woman, so I can't really speak on that. The reason for that is, I don't like my women docile and subservient. I can do my own laundry and housework. American women have defenses a mile high, and more often than not are extremely picky, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, except for when they complain about dating retards that they chose based purely on aesthetics and/or first impressions. Me personally, I love mouthy women that keep me on my toes and provide a challenge. Unfortunately, I haven't found either here.

Warning: Eventually, I WILL say something that offends you. This is perfectly normal. My recommendation: get over it.

KeithJ

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01-28-2010 9:21 PM
And how often do women ask guys out? I gotta hear this one. Oh, and Flyer, just correcting you cuz I respect you... 'women' vice 'woman' on two instances...

Warning: Eventually, I WILL say something that offends you. This is perfectly normal. My recommendation: get over it.

flyerNO88

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01-28-2010 9:22 PM
Adam, you are absolutely right and I stand (mostly) corrected! I can see the pull towards most Japanese woman, they are, for the most part, classier than their American counter-parts. And you're right that not every American man is after a "quick" date either.

flyerNO88

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01-28-2010 9:25 PM
Keith- You're right too! As a woman, I can't remember when I've ever asked out a guy, but i was brought up very conservative and am (face to face) a very shy person. On dates I always offered to pay my half (of course, it's just polite) but for the most part was rejected (which I expected, being on a date with a man, in my world, of course he would pay). Right or wrong, it's just how I see it.

KeithJ

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01-28-2010 9:27 PM
Well, that brings up another thing that drives men insane... that "silent language" that women speak.

Warning: Eventually, I WILL say something that offends you. This is perfectly normal. My recommendation: get over it.

flyerNO88

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01-28-2010 9:31 PM
I know, but that's a whole different topic! :0

Adam Jones

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01-28-2010 9:31 PM

On dates I always offered to pay my half (of course, it's just polite) but for the most part was rejected (which I expected, being on a date with a man, in my world, of course he would pay). Right or wrong, it's just how I see it.

I have always paid. When I dated my wife, at the beginning, I don't think she ever paid (1 bill) for almost 2 years of us dating. I wouldnt let her.

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Adam Jones

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01-28-2010 9:32 PM

I know, but that's a whole different topic! :0

You can always start a new forum thread in the dating section. It doesnt all have to be in 1 long topic..

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KeithJ

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01-28-2010 9:36 PM
Posted By Adam Jones on 28 Jan 2010 09:32 PM I know, but that's a whole different topic! :0 You can always start a new forum thread in the dating section. It doesnt all have to be in 1 long topic.. rgrgr... copying my post and reposting it in a new topic.

Warning: Eventually, I WILL say something that offends you. This is perfectly normal. My recommendation: get over it.

KeithJ

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01-28-2010 9:40 PM
Done... see chivalry thread in this topic. I'm also starting a thread in the "rant about something-profanity allowed" group forum. All are invited to attend.

Warning: Eventually, I WILL say something that offends you. This is perfectly normal. My recommendation: get over it.

Softballwidow

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01-29-2010 6:14 PM
Keith-How am I "female dog" because I say that Japanese women are beautiful, and I don't blame the men for coming here to date one? Don't tell me you haven't seen a drop dead goregeous Japanese women with a homely Sailor and thought to yourself that they would never be able to get a girl like that back home! Call me a b*tch all you want..... I'm happily married, and could care less what ya'll do for dates. When I referred to "us" being high maintenance I was meaning women as a whole. I don't like to include myself in the "high maintenance" category. I never tell my husband he can't golf, I sit in the cold and heat to watch his softball games, I don't have fake nails ordesigner hand bags, and going to a spa sounds like pure torture to me. My honeymoon was spent "vacationing" in the Hell I call TexASS with my in-laws, and I prefer watching Goodfellas or scarface to any crappy Meg Ryan movie or "Notebook" sappy love story anyday.

KeithJ

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01-29-2010 6:28 PM
Thanks for proving me right. I've seen plenty of your so-called "losers" with bombshells back in the states, too.

Warning: Eventually, I WILL say something that offends you. This is perfectly normal. My recommendation: get over it.

Vicky

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01-29-2010 6:35 PM
I am so glad I do not have to worry about all this for myself. My sailor and I have been together 20 years this year, we met at the end of his first 4 yr tour. But I do have to worry about our daughter, who turned 18 a few months ago, is a senior at Kinick and tries to stay away from the young sailors who are always trying to talk to her, if only for the fact her dad would kick their butts LOL.

水兵　Sailor

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01-29-2010 6:58 PM
Have you ever seen that movie "Sayonara" with Marlon Brando and "Red Buttons"? (1957) Lloyd "Ace" Gruver, the son of an Army general, stationed at Itami Air Force Base (now Osaka International Airport) near Kobe, Japan, falls in love with a Japanese entertainer who is a performer for a Takarazuka-like theater company, whom he meets through his enlisted crew chief, Airman Kelly. Kelly has married a Japanese woman, Katsumi, in spite of the disapproval of the United States military, which will not recognize the marriage. The Air Force, including Gruver, is against the marriage. Gruver and Kelly have an argument where Gruver uses a racial slur to describe Kelly's fiancee, but Gruver apologizes then agrees to be Kelly's Best Man at the wedding. Kelly suffers further prejudice at the hands of a particularly nasty colonel, pulling extra duty and all the less-attractive assignments. When Kelly and many others who are married to Japanese are ordered back to the United States, Kelly realizes he will not be able to take his wife, who is now pregnant. Finding no other way to be together, Kelly and Katsumi commit double suicide, which strengthens Major Gruver's resolve to marry his Japanese lover. Hostility towards Americans marrying Japanese women goes back a long ways. American women view American men as being solely available to American women and they will not tolerate otherwise. Not even the so called unattractive ones who they have rejected. American women view Japanese/Asian women as arch rivals and see them as vile seductive temptresses who cast sensual spells over unsuspecting American men and lure them into a liaison of debauchery. Despite what they may say, this is how they think. The last thing my mother said to me before I got on the plane to go to Japan in 1973 was, "Now don't you go getting married to no Japanese girl!". The real trial begins when you return to the states and have to put up with that BS from your relatives and others. They may pretend to be accepting at first but it will eventually become clear where their true feelings lie.

KeithJ

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01-29-2010 7:08 PM
All part of the "American" mentality that the rest of the world loooooves so much.

Warning: Eventually, I WILL say something that offends you. This is perfectly normal. My recommendation: get over it.

Elizabeth

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01-29-2010 7:47 PM
American women view American men as being solely available to American women and they will not tolerate otherwise. Not even the so called unattractive ones who they have rejected. American women view Japanese/Asian women as arch rivals and see them as vile seductive temptresses who cast sensual spells over unsuspecting American men and lure them into a liaison of debauchery. Despite what they may say, this is how they think. Maybe in your generation, but I'm pretty sure my generation doesn't think like that. That's so 20 years ago. And it's very generalizing. And where in here have American woman really said anything bad about foreign woman? You could also flip this: American men view American woman as being solely available to American men and they will not tolerate otherwise. Not even the so called unattractive ones who they have rejected. American men view European men as arch rivals and see them as vile beguiling tempters who cast charming spells over unsuspecting American woman and lure them into a liaison of debauchery. Despite what they may say, this is how they think. See, kinda stupid, huh? All I see is a couple of you wah wahing about generalizations, discrimination and even racism but you're free to generalize, discriminate and crap on all American woman? WUT?

"When I pulled my hamstring I went to the Misogynist." -Brittany

KeithJ

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01-29-2010 7:54 PM
It's because American women are the pickiest. I think you have your woman goggles on. There have been a couple of snide comments in here.

Warning: Eventually, I WILL say something that offends you. This is perfectly normal. My recommendation: get over it.

Elizabeth

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01-29-2010 8:17 PM
No, no, don't think I haven't noticed the crap comments by woman either. If I was taking their side I would of just called all the men here "ugly jealous d$%ks" or something stupid by now. American woman the pickiest? Nah, I don't think so. We are said to be "hard to handle" by other countries/cultures but I think that's because of the less oppressive culture and freedom gives to American woman. We're allowed to say what we want, almost wear what we want, demand equality, just DO what we want. Just as men in our country are free to do what they want... and if they can't find an American woman to fulfill their needs, hey, foreign woman might be the better alternative. I think American woman would love to marry/date foreign men but it's harder to find one that agrees with our views... and that gets into the sticky situation of sexism. Shrug Date who fits your needs, no matter what race or country they're from... just don't sh$t on your countries opposite gender because, hey, it's your country's freedom, culture and rights that made them that way.

"When I pulled my hamstring I went to the Misogynist." -Brittany

KeithJ

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01-29-2010 8:33 PM
Just giving an outside opinion here... showed this to a friend of mine back in the states, she thinks most of the people on here are severely detached and pathetic. Don't worry, she ragged on me for my posts, too. =D

Warning: Eventually, I WILL say something that offends you. This is perfectly normal. My recommendation: get over it.

Elizabeth

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01-29-2010 8:44 PM
Well, as long as she thinks everyone is pathetic then it's coo', it's coo'. I should sooo show this thread tomorrow to the people we're having over for BBQ. I think they're opinions might differ from mine. lol.

"When I pulled my hamstring I went to the Misogynist." -Brittany

KeithJ

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01-29-2010 9:03 PM
Yup, I was included in her little rant. Definitely show this to your friends in the states and see what they have to say.

Warning: Eventually, I WILL say something that offends you. This is perfectly normal. My recommendation: get over it.

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